I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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