Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
