State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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