clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
