we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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