He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
