she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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