i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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