dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
