he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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