His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize