my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
