she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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