I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
