paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
