I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
