The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
