hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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