Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
