I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
