I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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