I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
