How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
