matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
