and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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