im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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