my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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