Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize