i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
