God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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