1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize