we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize