Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
