the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
