No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize