I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
