why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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