i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize