Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
