you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
