hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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