Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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