when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Bring me that man meat
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
