Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
