if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
