But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
