I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
