He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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