Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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