I'll bet she douches with gravy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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