I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
