Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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