i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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