I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
