I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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