Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
