Im at strip club and am horny
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
