i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize