Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
