By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
