You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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