I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
