He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
