Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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