somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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