I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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