her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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