ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize