i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
