even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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