is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
