You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
