I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
