I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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