so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
please don't ironically join a cult
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