I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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