I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize