oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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