the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
