I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
