Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
