he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
