I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How external is "for external use only"?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
