She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
