Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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