Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
