I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
