after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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