i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
