News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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