I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
