Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
