tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
