There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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