Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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