i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
