We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
