Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
