I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
