the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
