Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
