They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize