I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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