just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i think my cat just said my name.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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