Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't deserve a penis
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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