i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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