I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
