On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
