evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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